The Talking Centipede

A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.
>>
>>
> > After
> > some discussion,
> > he
> > finally bought a talking centipede,
> > (100-legged
> > critter),
> > which
> > came in a little white box
> > to
> > use for his house.
> >
> >
> >
> > He
> > took the box back home,
> > found
> > a good spot for the box,
> > and
> > decided he would start off
> > by
> > taking his new pet
> > to
> > church with him.
> >
> >
> >
> > So he
> > asked the centipede in the box,
> > "Would
> > you like to go
> > to
> > church with me today?
> > We
> > will have a good time."
> >
> >
> >
> > But
> > there was no answer
> > from
> > his new pet.
> >
> >
> >
> > This
> > bothered him a bit,
> > but
> > he waited a few minutes
> > and
> > then asked again,
> > "How about
> > going
> > to
> > church with me
> > and
> > receive blessings?"
> >
> >
> >
> > But
> > again,
> > there
> > was no answer
> > from
> > his new friend and pet.
> > So
> > he waited
> > a
> > few minutes more,
> > thinking
> > about the situation.
> >
> >
> >
> > The
> > guy decided
> > to
> > invite the centipede
> > one
> > last time.
> >
> >
> >
> > This
> > time
> > he
> > put his face up against
> > the
> > centipede's house and shouted,
> > "Hey, in
> > there!
> > Would
> > you like to go
> > to
> > church with me
> > and
> > learn about God?"
> > ...
> > YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS ....
> >
> >
> > This
> > time,
> > a
> > little voice
> > came
> > out of the box,
> > "I
> > heard you the first F****** time!
> >
> > I'm putting my shoes on!"

Hydrogen

Hydrogen went on a date with a Reeeeeally hot girl, he Totaly blew it up

what's the difference?

what is the difference between peanuts and nuts?
duno?
pee!

sorry (-:

I'm sorry about the gap in the jokes it was because every thing muddled up. So I hope you forgive me.

Multiplying The Wrong Way #1

Maths Teacher : How many tents are in the camping ground next to the school , Johnny?
Johnny : Fifty
Maths Teacher : Fifty!? I can only see five.
Johnny : Yes, but five tents are fifty!

Comb Loan

Teacher: "How come you do not comb your hair?"
Johnny: "No comb, Sir."
Teacher: "Use your dad's then."
Johnny: "No hair, Sir."

What is at the bottom of the ocean ...

What's at the bottom of the ocean and shakes?

A nervous wreck!